


The Verse of Transition

by Hides_Samosas



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Apartments in the CCG for everyone, Before Anteiku Raid, Blood and Violence, CCG Kaneki Ken, CCG Nagachika Hideyoshi, Everybody might be a bit ooc I'm sorry, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Gore, Hide's super smart and super in love, Injury, Just lots of Angst, Kaneki is a classical music freak, Kaneki is constantly making Amon coffee, Kaneki just wants to leave, Kaneki still reads, M/M, Possible fluff later on, Post-Aogiri Tree | Timeskip Arc, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pretty much immediate plot divergence, Series Spoilers, Subconsious Crushes, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tsukiyama Shuu is a Creep, Tsukiyama speaking in trashy French, Why is Kaneki always so angsty?, You may learn how to make coffee, defecting from Aogiri, quinx squad - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-02-23 05:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13183779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hides_Samosas/pseuds/Hides_Samosas
Summary: Kaneki defects from Aogiri in order to kill Kanou and pays the consequences with his own blood. On the run, he crosses paths with the CCG and things take an unexpected turn.In which Kaneki is constantly making coffee for everyone, Hide is skilled at coming up with ridiculous pick-up lines, Amon fails at keeping to himself, and everyone else is worried and confused.





	1. The City Never Sleeps

**Author's Note:**

> Set between the Aogiri Raid and the Anteiku Raid, hopefully it'll be a bit more clear as you read.

His feet pounded against the dirtied pavement as he surged forward. The wind beat in his face, and leaves, garbage, and plastic bags swirled around trash bins and abandoned metal scraps. The boy came to a sudden halt, his hair falling in front of his eyes. It was getting so long. Suddenly, his stomach clamped up, causing him to loose balance. He fell against the side of a brick alley way building, retching blood. His fingers barely covered his mouth, and red liquid spurted out and onto the ground in thick droplets.   
The boy’s hands fluttered down to the gaping wound on his left side, and he pressed his palm against it. He pulled his hand away, staring at the red stain. 

“Told you so,” Rize chided. 

“Eat him,” Yamori suggested. 

The boy gnashed on his lip, and slowly turned his head so he was staring, wide eyed, over his shoulder. He could hear the scurrying of footsteps, all around him, around and around and around, like a merry-go-round.

“Should’ve killed him,” Rize chittered beside him. He felt her arms on his shoulders and waist. 

“Can’t, do, that,” the boy moaned. 

“Yes you can. Just turn around and do it.” Yamori purred into his ear. 

The boy stumbled and circled around.

The footsteps were louder now, all around him growing tighter and tighter.

The boy squinted through his white bangs at the one person following him, standing there, panting at the end of the alley. 

“Kaneki,” the boy gasped for breath, bending over with his hands on his knees. “Slow down.” 

Kaneki stumbled backwards. Voices roared behind his ears or in his ears? Like a centipede… 

“Eat him eat him, ohhhh, just look at that flesh, what a meal, what a lovely, lovely meal, Kanekiiii!”

Kaneki tossed his head back and took in gasping breaths, or maybe he was laughing? He grinned at Hide with wide eyes. Hide stood his ground, staring back at his friend.   
Now there were footsteps on either side of the alley, pounding against the roofs. Kaneki jerked back into what he hoped was reality and froze. He felt almost like a cat, with twitching ears when they heard a mouse scurrying in corridors between walls. Kaneki growled deep in his throat, not quite looking at Hide, more so gauging the distance between himself, his friend, and the people chasing him. 

He could beat Yamori.

“Yes, you did so quite well,” Rize remarked.

“I suppose,” Yamori muttered gruffly. 

He could also beat Ayato, who should still be out of commission. The Bin Brothers should be dead, or close to it. He could take on Miza, and Naki, and the rest of their pathetic frontline gremlins. 

But all at once? Rize laughed. Kaneki’s eyes squeezed shut and he gulped down the taste of bloody bile. All at once, that was, well, suicide.   
He was all for dying on the battlefield, but Hide's life was at stake. 

His eyes darted over to Hide, who was now walking toward him.  
“He’s quite pretty,” Rize remarked, and Kaneki could hear her licking her lips. Or was he licking his lips, or was it Yamori? He couldn’t tell. 

Footsteps, pounding and squeaking and screeching and thudding and kicking and scuffing, and oh, how good Hide smelled, like pork or honey or mint or tempura, what he wouldn’t give to just sink his teeth into his friend’s shoulder. He began to salivate.

“That’s it!” Yamori yelled in his mind.

“You can do it!” Rize moaned.

“Just, a bit, of food.” Kaneki whispered to himself. 

How he wanted to fix this ache in his stomach, this ache like a whining child, tugging on his sleeve. How he wanted to fill himself with this overwhelming scent sinking into his nose, and possibly the only thing holding him back, probably the only thing, was the scent of Aogiri’s soldiers that were less than a quarter mile away, searching for him, and whoever he was with, which was Hide. Ah, Hide was his priority to save, not to eat. 

Less than a quarter mile. 

In one sweeping motion, he wiped the blood and saliva running from his mouth, and closed his fingers around Hide’s right arm with his left hand.   
In a shaky whisper, he hissed:

“Come with me.”   
Hide stared at him, but nodded.

Kaneki could hear voices all around him.   
They’re here! They’re right there! On the roof, under the ground, in the garbage can! Disguised as rats or fleas or cats, they’re coming!

And they were. He could really hear them now, and he only knew because Hide was looking in the footsteps’ direction, fearfully. His eyes were wide, and his lips slightly parted, and oh god, he looked delicious, but no. Kaneki reasserted himself, his eyes locked with Hide’s. He scooped Hide up, and took off running. The footsteps were close, oh so close, like the madness boiling up inside him, he tightened his grip around Hide and ran through alleyways and side streets, Hide was silent, and remained so until Kaneki came to a sudden stop at an alley entrance beside a busy street. Busy for 3:00 in the morning. 

He gingerly set Hide down. The other tilted to the side before quickly righting himself. He began to speak: “Kaneki-”  
Kaneki held up a hand to silence Hide. Hide’s expression darkened, eyeing the protruding tendrils of kakuja climbing up Kaneki’s neck from beneath his clothing.

Kaneki winced and rubbed his neck, his expression darting between anxiety and fear. Ah, the madness was so close! Pooling under his sclera, and down into the black bags beneath his eyes, and running under his skin like harvester ants, dripping into his dirtied nails. 

“Hide. Hide somewhere, anywhere, and don’t come out until it’s quiet. Otherwise I’ll-” He gagged, blood dripping out of his mouth. “Maybe just a biiiiiite.” He gasped, clawing at his lips. There were shadows in the alley behind Hide. There was a centipede swirling and shifting beneath his vertebrae and curling around his spine.   
With his last bit of strength he screamed:

“RUN HIDE! RUN, PLEASE!”

The extremities burst from his back, each of monstrous proportions. They scratched at the cement, and tore the skin of his back. His vision was fading, and blood dripped from his mouth and his wounds. 

Defecting was dangerous. 

His vision went black, and he could hear Yamori yelling, “NOW WE CAN HAVE SOME FUN!” 

Or maybe it was him?


	2. I Had this Dream so Many Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki actually deserves a lot of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you those who read the last chapter. I hope I have not disappointed you thus far... (*^_^*)  
> Um, actually this is a retelling of an idea I had about two years ago, and I wanted to rework it in a new, mature style.   
> I hope to finish this all the way through, and to become a better writer in the process!

Amon glared down at the trail of blood leading into the gloom. He wrinkled his nose, none too discreetly, and glanced out of the corners of his eyes at Akira. Akira had already bent down in her crisp white uniform to analyze the smears of liquid. Her head jerked up and she squinted at the red coated path leading off the sidewalk.

“The subject was running, but not that fast,” she said as she stood up and straightened her coat. Akira locked eyes with Amon. “As fast as a human, that is. Pretty slow for a ghoul.” 

Amon frowned. “Any hunches?” 

Akira nodded. “We’re probably looking at a less powerful ghoul being hunted by a gang. We should be able to follow the blood and put it out of its misery. Maybe even scavenge a quinque or two.”

Amon nodded his assent, and righted his own quinque over his shoulder. “Let’s get on with it, then.” 

The two made their way down the darkened alley. Amon held a utility torch, and shone it shakily on anything that moved. Smoke blew out of pipes built into cracked brick walls, and the cement chipped under their feet. Amon did his best to disguise his fear when a cat jumped from a low hanging ledge onto a rusted bin. Akira smirked.

As they ventured further into the alley, Amon grew more and more on edge. The blood was growing thicker, and it was fresh. The moon light reflected off its dark red surface, and he could hear somebody talking.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Somebody was talking.

 

He turned to Akira with wide eyes. Akira held up one hand symbol for ‘stop,’ and two more for ‘forwards, but slowly.’ Amon heaved out a silent sigh. He should have been the one to take charge.

The two investigators, dressed in white suits that were practically headlights in the black alley took a few hesitant steps forward, quinques activated and glowing. 

“Ahhhaaha, oh Rize, that’s quite too soon. Yes, yes, that may be true but how very dull, even Yamori agrees. Yes, I hear you but it isn’t even a trick, all the tricks for a first date mustn’t be revealed right away, you said it yourself… Bookstores and insides? Flowers and sunshine? Hm. The monk sipping tea, and the frogs jumped in the pond and they’re in white suits?” 

There was a boy, pressed up against the dead end of the alleyway. His eyes, one white, and the other red, flickering almost as quickly as they were madly. He was chewing on his fingers. When he made eye contact with Amon, he clamped down with a rough sigh, and blood dribbled from his mouth as he bit off and chewed up his whole finger. 

The boy slowly got to his feet, and the investigators could see him clearly now. His hair was white and long, almost down to his shoulders. He had his arms spread in welcome, and they moved and twitched sporadically. He wore an entirely black outfit that clung to his small frame. All around him, appendages shivered and clicked, as if there were real-live snakes living in the small of his back. The boy almost looked like a fallen angel, the mixture of perfect beauty and pastel gore encompassing his very being. 

“Fingers and chainsaws, blood stains and cattle carts, bookstore dates and checkered floors? Did he hide? Is he alive?” His appendages shot forth with blinding speed, barely blocked by Amon’s quinque. He grimaced, recognizing the boy in front of him. The boy laughed. 

“Eyepatch…”

“Of the blades and white suits, White Elephants and mushrooms! Prelude to Rain meets Bangtan Boys, and ohhhhhhhhhh that’s a lot of white noise!” 

The boy gasped suddenly and fell to his knees, hacking up blood. The kagune and kakuja stilled and dropped to the wet cement, curling around his body. His body shivered and quaked, and he uttered in a voice just above a whisper with wide, fearful eyes. 

“Tender mothers and rebels for sons. When will the housework be done? She died quietly, not even a peep, and on the floorboards I did creep, there she was cold and alone, in her arms, only a rose. Overwork? That’s what’s done it. Her sister didn’t think much of it.” 

The boy quivered, his kakuja mask drawing blood where it dug into his skin.

“I don’t want to go.” He whispered, his head down and his voice breaking. Amon shifted his weight and glanced back at Akira, who looked shaken. Amon knelt down a few paces away from the eyepatch, before his conscience could convince him otherwise. His pants were instantly drenched in the boys pooling blood. 

“Please, calm down.” He whispered carefully. Akira shot him an incredulous look, but watched on as Amon loosened the grip on his quinque. 

After a moment of silence, Akira whispered: “Either kill him or get up. We have to go. Now.” 

Amon frowned up at Akira, his hands halfway reached out to the shaking boy. “Why? I am your superior. If you feel the need to leave, then you’re free to.” 

Akira jutted out her jaw. “The raid is tomorrow. We should be well rested. We don’t have time to offer therapy to some ghoul that’s just attacked us. Look at it. It’s broken. Just kill it.” 

Amon’s gaze dropped down to the figure curled on the ground. The kagune protruded from his back was curled around him, as if offering a slight bit of protection, and twitched occasionally. 

“Paper flowers blooming, careful fingers pruning… Mother’s gone, I’m just a worthless pawn…” 

The boy pulled at the mask attached to his face. “I want to go home.” He shivered, bloody tears leaking from his ducts.   
Amon was at a loss. It was his job to kill the monsters, the ravenous beasts that lurked in side streets and junk yards and abandoned lots. Yet, here he was, consoling the very thing he despised.   
Amon would never admit it, but there was a part of him, deep down, flitting in and out of his conscious thoughts, that urged him to kick his quinque down the alley and scoop up the creature in front of him.   
Akira was silent, her gaze striking through Amon, as if she was trying to scare him into submission.   
They remained still and quiet for what seemed like a small eternity. 

Footsteps alerted them to the presence of another person.

 

“Kaneki!” A shout echoed down the alley way.

The boy stirred, squinting in the direction of the voice. The kakuja mask clicked and formed and morphed over his face, pieces shriveling up and dropping off. Amon turned sharply, as well as Akira, to the direction of the voice. There, in the gloom, Hideyoshi Nagachika stood. His arms were littered in bruises and cuts. His right eye was swollen, as if he had been in a street fight. The skin of his knuckles was also scrapped and covered in dried blood.

Hide nodded to Amon and Akira, as if following a trail of blood down an alley was a perfectly normal thing for a college student to be doing. 

“Senior Investigator Amon. First Class Investigator Akira.” He grinned, scratching the back of his head. “I feel that I’m a tad bit late, but better that than never, am I right?” 

Amon stared, and Akira opened and closed her mouth several times.  
“The delivery boy?” She whispered after a silent moment. Her face scrunched, as if she was trying to make sense of this sudden change of events. Kaneki whimpered, curling in on himself, attempting to cover his face and retract his kakuja, although it was pointless. He was a swimmer in a sea of thick, fresh blood. And he was drowning. 

Amon gave Kaneki a worried, if not confused look, before averting his attention back to Hide.

Akira spoke again, sounding incredulous. “Please explain what business you have here, Nagachika. Immediately.” Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. 

Hide barely spared her a glance, dropping his clueless demeanor in a flash. He took several quick strides forward, until he was standing in front of the broken thing that was Kaneki. He looked down at his best friend with a mournful expression, before leaning down and sitting in front of him.

Kaneki buried his face in his hands, and the last bit of his mask melted off his tear-stained face. “Don’t look at me, Hide.” 

Hide offered a sad smile, before leaning forward and wrapping his arms loosely around Kaneki. 

Hide’s face was a mixture of concentration and determination as his grip around Kaneki retracted softly. He pulled away from his friend, and cupped Kaneki’s chin between his thumb and forefinger. Kaneki shivered and tumbled away from Hide, blood spilling out of the wound on his abdomen. He cried out in pain and fell against the brick wall behind him. Hide was there instantly, helping Kaneki up against the wall. One of Hide’s hands was pressed against the wound on Kaneki’s side, trying to stop the blood from leaking, and the other was steadying himself so he didn’t topple onto Kaneki.  
Kaneki’s eyes blinked slowly, tears still streaming down his face, and oh they were so red, red like flowers and sunsets and blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just going to throw sporadic chapters here over the next few days with no shame. :-)


	3. It's a Life Placed in my Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm bad at summaries...   
> People fight, other people watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was scared to write this... //awkward laughter//   
> Happy New Years!!!

Hide would be lying if he said he had forgotten Amon and Akira’s presence. He was, in fact, hyperaware of his superior’s gazes digging into his back. He could hear Amon’s worried footsteps, and Akira’s short breaths, coming out in choked puffs. 

And Kaneki. Oh, Kaneki. His Kaneki was frozen beneath him, cold to the touch but not shivering at all.   
And then, a noise.   
A stomach’s growl. 

The sound made Hide’s chest ache. 

After a long moment, Hide shifted and pulled away from Kaneki, who was cowering. Kaneki had his hands over his face and was trembling with his lips quivering, and drool mixed with blood ran down his chin. Hide could make out murmurs mixed with the occasional clear words from Amon and Akira;

“…..Run….Have to go….. Ghoul…. Shinohara and Juuzou….. Centipede.” 

Hide turned his attention back to Kaneki, who was staring hazily at him.   
Kaneki croaked, “Hide… Run away…” 

Akira broke away from her heated whisper-debate with Amon to warily eye Kaneki and Hide. 

“What did it say?” She asked with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm.

Hide opened his mouth to reply, before Kaneki’s stomach growled again. Loud enough to be heard by all three of the CCG employees. 

Akira pressed a hand to her forehead, trying to take in deep, controlled breaths. Hide shot her a glare before gingerly moving his arms beneath Kaneki’s back and legs, scooping him up bridal style.

Hide’s eyes followed a thick trail of blood that splattered to the ground as he picked Kaneki up. A sharp intake of breath sounded as he shut his eyes tightly. 

Amon shifted his weight back and forth a few paces away. He rubbed his right hand against his chin nervously. Hide could clearly read the struggle in his superior’s eyes- 

What do I do? 

The alley became an ominous place in the lapse of time that the three investigators stood considering the fate of the damaged ghoul. Shadows danced in and out of the corners of their eyes, and the sea of blood trailed off into the darkness, forging rivers of crimson. 

The only thing to keep them from drifting permanently away from the outside word was the drip-drip-dripping of blood from Eyepatch, along with his shallow and irregular breathing. One could almost feel the hissing of death at the back of their neck, and the whispering in their ears, ever so faintly, voiced to the beat of splattering blood: 

You. Don’t. Have. All. Night. 

A gust of cold air rustled the material of Hide’s jacket, and he cleared his throat.

“He’s going to die.”

Kaneki coughed quietly and whispered- “Hide, it’s really okay-”  
“It’s not okay!” Hide cut him off sharply and his fingers dug into his friend’s clothing. He paused, his face falling as he took in Kaneki’s nervous expression. “I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry.”

Hide grudgingly turned his attention to Amon and Akira. “Do you… Have you ever had to save a ghoul? Is there anyway to- isn’t there anything I can do?!”

Hide could hear the desperation in his voice, and could clearly see his own vulnerabilities laid out in front of him. It was a feeling he had always despised.

Akira’s expression wavered and she crossed her arms tightly. Hide watched as her jaw clenched worriedly.   
“What do you honestly think, Nagachika? Do idealists like you believe that investigators are thrown moral curveballs on alternate Fridays?” She paused, collecting herself, before speaking in a hesitant, hushed tone. “If I had been here alone, he would be dead six times by now.”

Hide pulled Kaneki closer to his chest and took a step back. He felt his back brush against the blood covered brick wall, and he could hear his feet sticking to the cement. He briefly wondered who had hurt Kaneki to this mind-numbing extent, and if at least some of the blood wasn’t his friend’s.

Hide could feel Kaneki’s erratic heartbeat beneath the torn black leather suit and his bloodied chest. Kaneki’s eyelids fluttered, and he gave a slight shake of his head every few seconds, as if he was arguing with someone. 

“Food.” 

Hide and Akira turned their gazes to Amon. Amon’s face tinged pink, as it did when he was flustered.

“What?” Akira asked after a pause. “What, you’re thinking about food at a time like this, you just ate- oh.” She spun to look at Kaneki. Her nose wrinkled and she shivered before making eye contact Hide. 

Hide held her gaze as she spoke slowly and deliberately.   
“If you want him to heal, he needs food. Meat.” She narrowed her eyes. “Human flesh.”

Amon scratched his head nervously. “Where are we supposed to get that at a moment’s notice..? He’ll be dead before we reach Cochlea.”

Akira turned to Amon, her eyebrows raised. “We aren’t supposed to get it. There’s no point in even entertaining the idea that that thing will survive longer than fifteen minutes!” She splayed her hand in the direction of a frozen Hide holding Kaneki. 

Amon sucked in a breath. “Akira, he may have valuable information about-”

“Ghoul Counter Measures Article 13, Clause 2.” Akira cut him off.

“Akira-”

“Ghoul Counter Measure Article 13 Clause 2. What does it say, Amon?” Akira stared at him underneath her eyelashes. 

Amon held her gaze. “Ghouls should be disposed of as quickly and painlessly as possible.”

Akira gestured again in the direction of Hide and Kaneki. “So, why isn’t this ghoul dead?” 

“Because we haven’t killed him, god dammit,” Amon seethed. Akira threw up her hands. “We could be arrested for this Amon. Arrested. Do you know how serious that would be?”

Amon shook his head and began to pace. “But there are exceptions to that article, Akira.” 

Akira looked incredulous. “Like what? Indulge me, Amon.” 

“Donato. Along with every single ghoul in Cochlea.” Amon replied swiftly. 

Akira shook her head. The tiredness shone on her face, and she tried to catch her breath. “Because they had connections. Or volunteers from the CCG.”

“I know that, Akira.” Amon rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, and paced several more feet, to a cracked wall on the other side of the alley. He leaned up against it, closing his eyes. “Eyepatch may have information about Aogiri. Information that would take us months to obtain otherwise.” Akira stilled and looked away. 

The alley way was silent once more as the two investigators stood several feet apart, considering the other’s argument. Akira toyed with the buttons on her jacket while Amon clenched and unclenched his fists with an authoritative expression. 

After several moments, Akira reached into her blouse pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She flipped it open, and tossed it to Amon, who easily caught it. He nodded at her, and she spun on her heels, marching off to collect their quinques. 

The blood slowed to a dribble as Hide cradled Kaneki, his head pressed against his friend’s.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Rize and Yamori stood nearby, at the entrance of the alley. Kaneki could barely see them through his fogged up eyes.   
“That was… Unexpected.” Rize murmured after a moment.   
Yamori shrugged, and leaned up against one of the matte walls. “They’ll just be towing him off to Cochlea. It’s simply a delayed death, nothing more, nothing less,” he replied knowingly, and cracked a finger.  
Rize clicked her tongue and offered Kaneki a cold smile. 

“Good luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found that article and clause in the first book of :RE- I didn't just make it up lol.


	4. We Became Unable to Walk Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide sets Akira straight, and Shinohara is skeptical. Juuzou loves his job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giving summaries is harder than writing the actual chapter smh

Akira was glaring daggers at Amon. 

Amon knew it. Every time the rag-tag group rounded a corner, he could see her out of his peripheral vision. He could see her pale face pointed in his direction, glowering.   
And who was he to blame her?

It was his fault, he thought grudgingly. His fault that they’d surely be in some amount of trouble when they got back to the office. He shifted the weight of both their quinques before stealing another glance at Akira. Oh, she was very, very pissed. 

Amon could hear the footsteps of Nagachika behind him and Akira. Honestly, he still had absolutely no idea how the part-timer had found them, or what type of relationship he had with Eyepatch, or Kaneki, he hurriedly corrected himself. 

Kaneki Ken. That name he had heard before. The college student who had been the victim of collapsing steel pipes at a construction site. The boy who had received the organs of a dead teenage girl months ago. Kaneki. He had seen the missing posters scattered throughout the wards he had worked in. They seemed to be disappearing, though. As if somebody was deliberately taking them down. He wondered who, and why. 

Kaneki’s stomach growled again, loudly. 

Akira snapped her head back at Hide, who stared right back at her. “Can’t we do something about that, please?” She hissed. 

Amon tried to make eye contact with Hide, who seemed to be deliberately avoiding his gaze. 

Hide was silent for a beat, before bending down to the wet concrete and setting Kaneki gently beside him. He busied himself with undoing the buttons on his coat, tearing it away and revealing an obnoxiously bright t-shirt. Akira and Amon watching on with curiosity. 

Hide reached for the hem of his t-shirt’s neck line, and yanked down on it. It ripped away, revealing his shoulder. He wasn’t extremely muscular, just athletic enough to be considered fit. 

“What are you doing?” Akira asked quietly. She cleared her throat, and then raised her voice. “I asked you to do something about that ghoul, Nagachika, not strip for us.” 

Nagachika offered her an uncharacteristic glare before pulling Kaneki toward him. “I am,” he replied shortly as he guided Kaneki’s mouth toward his exposed shoulder. 

Amon’s eyes widened as he watched on with a mixed sort of fascination. He had been bit by ghouls before, and had the scars to prove it. But this, this was something he never thought he’d see. Akira looked disgruntled as she snatched her quinque back from Amon. Amon glanced over at her quickly, before turning his attention back to the delivery boy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Kaneki slowly blinked his eyes open, staring up at Hide’s face. His friend was smiling at him. That… That wasn’t likely… Hide should be angry… His body was aching and groaning, and he could feel the emptiness of his stomach more than anything else. It hurt so much, dammit.

“Hey,” Hide whispered. Kaneki squinted to retain his focus. Oh, everything was so blurry it hurt to blink.

He was dizzy and everything was moving slower than it should be. Kaneki had never felt more vulnerable in his life. Except for maybe… He squeezed his eyes shut. Best not to think about that now. Why did it have to be like this? Why did he lie to himself, why did he tell himself that he was strong enough to protect, when in this moment he wasn’t even strong enough to explain himself to Hide? Why, why, why, why, why??? Why did he get to play savior when he couldn’t even keep himself safe?

In one firm movement, he pushed himself away from Hide’s bare skin. 

“No.” He whispered shakily. 

Hide shook his head, and smiled grimly. “I’m afraid you don’t have a choice, Kaneki.” He gave Kaneki a wink. “I’m not going to let you die here.”

Kaneki opened his mouth to retaliate when Hide, in a single, swift movement, leaned forward and pressed his bare shoulder against Kaneki’s opened mouth. Hide wrapped his hands around Kaneki’s back to keep him from pulling away. 

“Please,” Hide whispered. 

Kaneki’s eyes shot open, but he kept his opened mouth still against the flesh of Hide’s shoulder. He made a pained, indignant noise against Hide. 

It was overwhelming. Too many scents at once. He could feel the fresh blood pumping underneath Hide’s sun-tanned skin. He could smell cinnamon and cloves and sunshine. How badly he wanted to clamp down, tear off the flesh, lap up the thick, rich blood, how lovely that would be….

Kaneki could feel the pain in his empty, torn stomach. 

It was like thick, ragged nails scratching and digging into the inside of his abdomen. 

It was as if a demon or devil had poured fire down his throat and fastened his jaw shut tightly. 

This hunger, a ghoul’s hunger, was unlike any starvation he had ever experienced in his human life. 

In between the threads and wisps of his own patchwork mind, he could vaguely remember what hunger used to feel like, as a human. As a person. Not as this blood thirsty, crazed thing. 

If he thought hard enough, if he really tried to remember, he could recall how his stomach would growl when he could smell his mother’s cooking. How much pain he would feel when his Aunt neglected to feed him. 

But, to a ghoul, hunger was an uncontrollable, monstrous instinct that refused to call it quits. 

He didn’t even offer an apology before his teeth sank through his best friend’s skin.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amon and Akira heard Hide hiss as the ghoul leaned into the gash on his shoulder. Hide slowly wrapped his arms around Kaneki, and murmured into his ear as the ghoul continued to tear at his flesh. Finally, Eyepatch pulled away, wiping his mouth off once with his right hand.

Kaneki reached out to Hide, as it to touch the massive wound he had created on his friend, as if to say 'I'm so sorry,' before promptly falling sideways against the concrete. 

Hide ducked his head, his chest rising and falling quickly. He leaned forward to rest his hand on Kaneki, trying to comfort him.

Amon rushed forward, Akira at his heels. 

“Are you okay-” Amon began, but he was cut off by dry laughter. He pulled back as Hide turned his gaze up to look at him.  
Amon blinked in concern. Akira bit her lip.

“That, was not as cool as I imagined it would be.” Hide murmured as he poked the wound on his shoulder. He grimaced and retracted his hand from the bloodied flesh.   
He turned his gaze to Amon, a serious expression donning his face.

“In the movies, people are always taking blows and hits for their friends, and they expect something to go seriously wrong, but it usually works out in the end.” He turned his attention back to his shoulder, and then looked to the two worried investigators.

“This isn’t cool. This just straight up sucks.” He paused, glancing over at Kaneki with a fond expression on his face. "But it's worth it," he whispered, the corners of his lips perking up.

“Maybe the scar will be dope. Who knows?” Hide shrugged, and then winced. “Damn it, that hurts. Am I being a wuss?”

Amon rolled his eyes.

Akira held out a hand for him. “Yes, you are being a giant wuss. Now get up. The car’s almost here.”

Hide accepted her hand, and she yanked him up. “Car?” He looked between the two investigators for an explanation. Amon reached down to scoop up Kaneki, whose injuries were slowly but surely patching together. 

“Yes,” he responded. “I have notified the investigators in the area of our, ah, circumstances, and they have agreed to give us a lift.” 

Hide walked forward to place his jacket over Kaneki injuries with his left hand. “Who?” 

“Investigator Shinohara and Juuzou Suzuya,” Akira cut in. 

Hide nodded. “I’ve met Investigator Shinohara, and heard some, um, interesting things about Juuzou.” 

Amon grimaced. He could still clearly remember the first time he met Juuzou. The encounter was still engrained perfectly in his mind. 

Akira carried on, retracting her quinque. “Yes, well, Amon has told them to pull up to the entrance of this side street. It should be our goal to attract as little attention as possible.”

Hide frowned. “It’s almost four in the morning. Whose attention are we worried about attracting? Drunk teenagers?” 

Akira ignored this, and marched past her colleagues. “Let’s just hurry this up.” She snapped. 

 

About two minutes later, they exited the alley. Hide looked over his shoulder, staring at the now dry blood trail leading into the alley. Akira placed her hand on his back and shooved him forward, towards a white van pulling up to the curb. 

“Shouldn’t we be worried about all that blood?” Hide asked as he was maneuvered not so gently into the car. 

Amon shook his head. “Several workers will come by later to clean it as best they can before too many people notice it. It should be disinfected in the hour.” 

Hide nodded slowly, watching as Amon climbed into the car, carrying Kaneki. Amon gently sat the unconscious ghoul down in the back next to Hide. Akira looked distrustfully at Hide and Kaneki, but quietly climbed into the middle seat next to Amon. She placed her quinque on the car floor in front of her, and kept her hand resting on the case. Amon shook his head and leaned forward to Shinohara, who was pulling onto the deserted street. 

“So, we’re rescuing injured ghouls now, Amon?” Shinohara asked skeptically. 

Amon paused, searching for a response. He opened his mouth to reply, when Juuzou turned around in his seat. He yanked once at his seat belt, before unbuckling it entirely and   
swiveling around so his knees were pressed against the back of the car seat. He stared at Kaneki with wide, curious eyes. 

“I think I robbed that guy.” He announced after a moment. 

Shinohara looked horrified. “Juuzou! You have an allowance!” 

Juuzou shrugged, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out some loose coins. “He didn’t have a lot. Here-” he said extending his arm to Hide. Hide held his hand out, and Juuzou dropped in the coins. “That's about right, I think.” 

Shinohara just shook his head. 

Akira cleared her throat, and Amon, Hide, and Shinohara turned their attention to her. Juuzou continued to stare at Kaneki. 

“Nagachika requires medical attention. The ghoul should be healed, but I don’t believe that his injuries are reserved to physical damage.” 

Shinohara furrowed his eyebrows, but said nothing. 

Akira took in a breath and straightened her posture before continuing. “Amon and I believe that this ghoul has information concerning The Aogiri tree. This may seem far-fetched, but Eyepatch was seen during the most recent Aogiri raid.” Akira looked nervous. “It is at least worth talking to him. If the ghoul has no information, then we can always dispose of it.” 

Hide shivered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm nearly done with the next chapter, I'll probably post it in a few hours. Possibly. Not committing. //flies away//


	5. In a Faraway Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki tries to kick down a door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Several days is my equivalent of several hours don't screech at me please.

They were… In a car. 

He could hear voices and feel the cushioned seat shifting beside him. 

Hide’s scent was particularly strong. Kaneki had always been enamored with it, even as a human. He remembered hugging Hide tightly, and burying his face in his friend’s hair. How Hide smelled like sunshine and crest toothpaste and morning glories. Or sunflowers and ginger and lemon. He smelled clean and comfortable and fresh. Like home. His home. His wonderful, beautiful home. 

Kaneki, moving despite the pain coursing like electricity throughout his body, stretched his hand out blindly towards where he knew Hide would be. Sitting next to him, with one knee bent towards him and his hand close to, but not touching, Kaneki’s leg. 

He made contact with Hide’s shirt, and yanked at it weakly. He heard hide make a worried noise and move to place his own hand on top of Kaneki’s dirtied one.

Dirtied. 

Kaneki didn’t deserve this- Hide shouldn’t be touching him. Hide was everything he couldn’t be. Hide was pure and lively and everybody loved him. As everybody should. Kaneki opened his mouth to tell Hide this, that he was unworthy of this reassurance. Kaneki tried to move his hand away from Hide’s, he tried to pull back to the other side of the unfamiliar car, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. 

Kaneki could feel his mouth moving, and he could hear words pouring out, like a leaky faucet a plumber couldn’t fix. He could feel his body sliding closer to Hide’s, as if it was instinctual. He knew it wasn’t fair, he knew he shouldn’t be taking advantage of this, but Hide was so warm, and smelled so nice… He just wanted to fall asleep next to Hide and never wake up. He never wanted to wake up again to a world where he was hated and hunted, to a world where he would be thrown in a cage or cell or lab, to a world where everyone was consistently working against him. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." 

Kaneki fell into a deep and blissful sleep, with his head rested up against Hide’s shoulder, for the first time in almost a year.

The realization that his stomach was full never set in. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hide wrapped his right arm around the sleeping Kaneki after he set down the medical gauze.   
Without looking up, he knew that Amon, Akira, and the peculiar Juuzou were watching him. Shinohara glanced up every few seconds to shoot him an odd look in the rear view mirror of the CCG employee car.

Hide could feel the ragged skin of his right shoulder chafing against the layers of bandages. He could feel the stinging every time Shinohara made a turn or tapped the brakes.

Even so, he didn’t make a sound. 

For Kaneki.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He was spotted during the Aogiri raid. So What?” Shinohara asked as he steered the car into the employee’s parking garage behind the First Ward’s main building. 

Amon rubbed his eyes tiredly and glanced down at the digital clock screen on the dashboard. 

Shinohara continued to barrage Amon with questions: “Do you even know how many ghouls we killed during that damn raid? Over 200. That’s a hell of a lot. And I saw you there, too, just swiping away at them like they were gnats or something.” 

Amon let out a sigh and stared out the window. His breath fogged up the glass instantly. How had he not noticed how cold it was outside before? Adrenaline? He could still hear Shinohara in the seat diagonal to him. Juuzou was fast asleep, with his chin rested up against the headrest of the shotgun seat. Akira’s head kept falling forward, and then she would groggily right herself, her hands clenching on the quinque case in front of her. Amon averted his eyes to Nagachika and Eyepatch in the last row of seats. Eyepatch’s head rested up against Nagachika’s shoulder. The injured one. He could see Nagachika’s pained expression, but to his credit he remained silent. He simply cradled Kaneki closer when his friend stirred in his sleep. 

“Amon. Amon. Koutorou!” Amon shook himself out of his stupor and turned his gaze to his superior. Shinohara was raising an eyebrow, and his knuckles were white against the leather steering wheel. 

“Wh-what?” Amon asked, collecting himself. He then yawned loudly, despite all attempts not to. Shinohara rolled his eyes and shook his head, muttering something about disobedient kids. He guided the van slowly into a labeled parking space, so as not to jostle his injured passengers. He then unbuckled his safety belt and turned around to face Amon. 

“Why is this ghoul different? Answer me straight up, Amon.” Shinohara was staring at Amon, his attention remaining on his colleague even as Akira flung open the car door and slammed her heels on the concrete floor with a sharp clacking noise. 

Amon held Shinohara’s gaze steadily. “He let me go. He could’ve killed me, but he didn’t.” 

Shinohara opened and closed his mouth once before shaking his head and responding. “I’m sorry, the ghoul did what?” 

Amon pushed open the car door on his side and smiled back at Eyepatch fondly as Hide gently scooped him up. 

“That ghoul let me live, Shinohara.”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaneki slowly cracked open his eyes, and instantly squeezed them shut again. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyelids and groaned loudly, not expecting there to be so much light in, well, wherever he was. After a long moment of laying still, he blinked open one eye slowly. 

This… This was a surprise. He sat up on what he now realized was a small bed, before taking in the rest of his surroundings.

His eyes skimmed across several nearly empty shelves pressed up against the wall beside the bed. The only objects on the shelves were worn CCG manuals and ghoul anatomy books with tattered edges. 

Kaneki frowned, confusion setting in. “What..?” 

He slid out of the bed skeptically, and felt his feet sink into a thin carpet. He took a few hesitant steps across the room, almost expecting to be shot down by some unseen security mechanism. 

There was a table in the center of the room. It was wooden and circular, with two matching chairs set neatly on either end. Both of the chairs were taken, one by Rize and the other by Yamori. Rize offered a little wave as Kaneki walked slowly past them. He could feel their gazes boring into the back of his neck. 

There were three doors, all of which he tried to open immediately upon their individual discovery. The first door, which he assumed to be the only viable exit, was locked from the outside and made of steel. There was a peep-hole built in slightly above his eye line, but when he stretched up to look through it, he found it to be blocked by something on the other side. 

“Typical,” muttered Kaneki as he gave the door a soft kick. 

The other two doors led to a small closet and a bathroom. Across the room, there was a small kitchenette. Kaneki couldn’t decide if whoever put him here was mocking him or actually just completely and utterly clueless. 

After thoroughly exploring what he could only refer to as an apartment of some kind, he discovered there to be a total of seven security cameras, all very easy to find. They were hooked up to each corner of the main room, blinking every few seconds, as well as in the bathroom, closet, and outside the single window. Kaneki had also tried to open the window, or break through it, but quickly realized that the room was stories above ground level. He could hear Rize tittering behind him. 

Kaneki turned his attention to the metal door. The vents in wherever the hell he was were much too small for him to climb through, so either out the window or door would have to do. Kaneki gulped, taking another look out the window. Below him, he could make out a parking garage and lot, along with the Tokyo skyline. 

Kaneki pressed his hands against the window, squinting against the glare of the rising sun. After a moment of studying the surrounding buildings, a horrifying realization dawned on him. 

He was in the first ward. 

In the CCG headquarters.

Kaneki threw himself away from the window, stumbling backwards toward the door. 

“It’s locked,” Rize called over from the table, her head in her hands. 

Yamori sighed. “He knows.”

Rize hitched up her skirt and pulled her feet up onto the table, watching as Kaneki brought his leg back and kicked the door with blinding speed. As his foot connected with the metal, a sickening crack echoed throughout the room. Rize readjusted herself, pulling her legs toward her and watching over her knees. Yamori studied his fingernails. 

Kaneki took an unsteady step backwards, and dropped to the ground. He ran his hand over the sizable indentation he had made in the metal. “It didn’t break..?”

Rize leered at him, laughing under her breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this time i'm nearly done with the next chapter I swear


	6. It's Like a Quiz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide decides he wants to be Watson, Amon is a neat-freak, and Shinohara is asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the views, comments, and kudos!

“He’s breaking the door,” Akira called over to Amon. 

Amon dropped the file folders he was holding, and they scattered to the floor. He cursed, and took a wide step over them, making his way to Akira. “He’s what?”

Akira gestured to the security screen in front of her. Amon leaned forward, squinting at the computer. The cameras that had been placed in the back of the room steadily recorded as the white haired boy brought his leg back and slammed his right foot into the center of the door. Amon winced as the audio picked up the deafening thud of bones hitting metal. The boy paused, taking a few uneasy steps backward, and bent down to examine the damage he had done. Several large cracks ran from the epicenter of the assault, and the boy traced them with his pointer finger. “It didn’t break..?” He muttered under his breath. Shaking his head, he slowly moved forward to study the door. Looking for a lock, or something he could breach in order to escape. 

Amon let out a sigh, and turned back to collect his abandoned folders. The two were in the ground level security office of the CCG, surrounded by monitors, blinking computers, and alarms. They had originally arrived with Shinohara, Juuzou, and Hide, but Juuzou had disappeared seconds after they had stepped into the main building, Hide had run off to his apartment to “pick something up,” and Shinohara had promptly fallen asleep in the only reclining chair in the security base. 

Amon let out a defeated groan, and slumped down into the chair beside Akira. “We’ve been up, what, twenty four, twenty five hours straight?” He shook his head and sighed. “Wasn’t there supposed to be a raid today?”

Akira stared up at the clock ticking away above the computer screens. “Its seven thirty now. As for the raid, it’s being rescheduled. Arima and Marude will be here shortly, I filled them in as much as I could on the phone-” She broke off, squinting at the screen. “Is he… Yelling at that chair?” 

Amon followed her gaze to the monitor where Eyepatch was visible. His hands were clenching and unclenching, and his face was flushed. 

“Just shut the hell up, Rize! Goddammit, can’t you be quiet for a minute or two? Get out of my head, and take Yamori with you!” He spun on his heel, storming toward the bathroom, and slammed the door shut behind him with such viciousness that the frame cracked. 

Akira pointed up to another screen, which displayed the apartment’s bathroom. The two investigators watched quietly as the ghoul leaned up against the door, and sank down to the floor, burying his head in his hands. 

“Maybe, maybe I could go up and try to talk to him..?” Amon asked after a moment. He silently scolded himself, he shouldn’t be asking for Akira’s permission.   
Akira shook her head, her fingers flying over one of the many keyboards. 

“I told Arima and Marude we would wait to conduct a proper interrogation… It would probably be best not to try their patience any more than necessary.” She glanced at him sideways, still typing. “Besides, the only reason we didn’t bring him to Cochlea was because of you and Hide, throwing a fit.”

Amon shook his head. “It- it’s just easier to have the ghoul in the vicinity if you want to conduct an immediate interrogation. I mean, rather than driving to and from Cochlea, over and over and over…” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Akira nodded, her attention turning back toward the screens. “By the way, where did Nagachika go?”   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hide paused, one foot half way out of his apartment door. His hands were full, mainly of boxes. He glanced over his shoulder, trying to balance the crates. 

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew he probably shouldn’t be lifting anything with his injured shoulder, but dammit, he could rest after Kaneki was safe and sound.   
“Oh,” his eyes settled on the bright orange headphones rested on one of his speakers by the television set. 

With a grunt, he dropped the boxes back on the floor, and snatched the headphones, pulling them on. 

With the flip of a switch, music began to blare into his ears. He sighed, heaving up the boxes again and slammed the door shut with his foot.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Kaneki,” a voice called from outside the bathroom door. 

Kaneki froze, his head shooting up. He was still on the floor, too afraid to face Rize and Yamori again. 

Reasonably, he knew that Rize and Yamori were figments of his imagination, similar to monsters under the bed of a child. 

But… But both Rize and Yamori terrified him because they had actually done harm to him when they were alive. He had the scars to prove it, both physical and emotional.   
If he was to be completely honest, Kaneki also knew that his sanity was waning. The lines that separated imagination and reality were growing blurred and smudged more than ever before. 

Trying to push those thoughts out of his mind, Kaneki turned his attention to the new voice on the other side of the door. It was soft, but demanding, laced with purpose. They were walking around now, and he could hear cabinets opening and closing. 

“I hear you like coffee,” the voice called again. Kaneki slowly stood up, frowning. His fingers brushed the lock on the door knob. “Come on out, maybe we can talk…” The voice urged. Kaneki could hear something being sat down on the table, could hear as somebody pulled out a chair and settled into it. 

Kaneki slowly pulled open the bathroom door, and peered outside. 

Nothing. 

The apartment was empty. Even his own personal demons had fled the premises, leaving behind a white washed room that smelled of bleach. 

Kaneki stumbled into the frame of the door, massaging his forehead. He took a few steps into the room, glancing up at the security camera. The front door of the apartment flung open, and Kaneki swore he jumped five feet into the air as the door slammed into the wall and Hide walked in, Amon hot on his tail. 

Kaneki took a few hesitant steps backward into the bathroom door as Amon stiffly glanced around the apartment, adjusting his tie, and Hide dumped five or six boxes onto the wooden table. 

Hide arched his back and stretched, before turning on his heel and grinning at Kaneki. “Hey!”

He walked over to Kaneki, and leaned up next to him. He squinted, taking in the apartment. “It’s… really dreary in here, isn’t it?” 

When Kaneki remained silent, Hide let out a sigh and pushed himself off the wall, wincing subtly. 

“Amon and I threw a fit to let you stay here, actually. Akira was all like, ‘he’s a ghoul, Amon, it’s dangerous,’” Hide waved his hands in the air as he made his way back over to the table. “But, as soon as we got here, I went back to my apartment to grab some files-”

“Your shoulder.” Kaneki whispered. Hide’s smile wavered, but within a second he pulled it back onto his face, almost flawlessly. 

“What?” Hide asked after a moment.

Kaneki stepped away from the wall and nodded at Hide’s shoulder. “There’s a gash in it. It’s fresh. What happened?” 

Hide frowned, and then let out a dry laugh. “You’re like a regular Sherlock Holmes, aren’t you?” He threw a few fake punches, along with a weak kick. “And could I be your Watson?” 

Amon rolled his eyes, and gestured to the chair. “May I sit?” 

Kaneki paused. “Um, it’s, it’s not my home. You don’t have to ask me, investigator.” He bowed his head politely for good measure, wincing at how he stumbled over his words. 

Amon quickly sat down, opening up one of Hide’s many cardboard boxes. “These are, what, news reports?” 

Hide nodded, and sat cross legged on the floor, dumping the contents of one of the boxes all of the carpet. Folders and pages spilled everywhere. Amon made a pained noise. “Do you have to be so careless?” 

Hide flashed him a grin. “Always.” 

Kaneki studied the scene in front of him, not really sure what to make of it. Briefly, he entertained the idea that it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he dismissed it. He couldn’t keep thinking like this. He simply had to accept his circumstances, and work around them to produce results. 

Amon glanced up at Kaneki over one of the newspapers. “Hm.” He scratched his chin, considering the ghoul. “Kaneki, right?”

Kaneki inclined his head again, and beneath his calm demeanor, his mind was spinning. What was going on? Why was here, and not Cochlea? Why hadn’t he been shot yet? Was this a dream? Was he actually dead?

“Yes. Ken Kaneki,” he responded as politely as he could, but his voice came out stiff and cracked. His shoulders dropped slightly. He needed answers, and fast. 

What was going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hide was listening to Exo's new winter album i'm not even ashamed.   
> From this point on, I'll most likely be uploading a chapter each week, but I'm not sure which day.


	7. We Arrive at this World's End...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide spoils Kaneki, Amon appreciates Hide's artwork, and Kaneki really hates his life in general. Shinohara is probably still sleeping, and Akira is bored of security monitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you for all the lovely comments, they make my day! I think that I'll be posting chapters of this On either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, depending on how much time I have. :-) I wish I could post more, but it's just not possible at the moment. I hope you understand :-/

Kaneki tore his gaze away from Amon as Hide dumped out the contents of another cardboard box. 

Hide payed them no attention as he began sorting through the newspaper clippings and other files. His headphones were thrown haphazardly on the floor beside him, and music poured out of the miniature speakers. Hide continued on with his work, either oblivious or indifferent to the music. 

Amon cleared his throat. “Nagachika.” 

Hide glanced up, his eyes trailing back towards the papers in his hands. “Yeah?” 

Amon nodded toward the apartment’s door. “Arima and Marude wanted to speak with you, remember?” 

Hide opened and closed his mouth, tilting his head. “Uh, they did? Um, ok.” 

Hide stood up quickly, brushing imaginary dust off his pants. Swooping back down to grab his headphones, he offered a startled Kaneki a quick wave, before turning on his heel and marching toward the door. 

Amon turned to Kaneki and opened his mouth to speak, when Hide came flying back over to the boxes he had carried in.

“I almost forgot!” Hide exclaimed as he tore the packing tap off of a smaller box that had been apparently overlooked by Amon. The investigator raised his eyebrows as Hide pulled out a stack of books. 

Hide made his way over to Kaneki, and plopped the novels into his friend’s lap. “For you!”

Kaneki stuttered, his whole body freezing over. “H-Hide-”

“And these, too! I found some of your CDs and packed them as well- Kaneki you know how you’re always telling me to expose myself to good literature? Well, dammit Kaneki, all of your music is ancient. Literally.” Hide made a face and shuddered. 

Kaneki opened his mouth to, well, maybe defend his music for the purpose of continuing the ridiculous and ill-timed conversation, but Hide cut him off with the flip of a hand.

“I’m not kidding,” Hide continued. He eyed Amon as the investigator leaned forward and cast a curious glance into the box. “I mean, come on, who the hell even is Tchaicoughsuky?”

Kaneki glowered. “Tchaikovsky, Hide. It’s Tchaikovsky.” 

“Whatever.” Hide rolled his eyes and grinned. “I’ve taken the liberty of packing some of my own CDs, which I do hope you’ll find to your liking.”

He stood up again, and stretched, walking over to the door. “My favorite band just released a new winter album, and I bought the collector CD!” He shot mini finger-guns at Kaneki and Amon before disappearing out the door. 

Kaneki simply shook his head and sighed. Amon rubbed his eyes, leaning back against the wooden frame of the chair. The two were silent for an awkward moment.   
Kaneki glanced over at the investigator, who, none to subtly looked back at him. Kaneki ducked his head, his hands tightening around the books on his lap. 

“Why am I-”

“What happened-”

Kaneki and Amon both spoke at the same time. Amon flustered and Kaneki averted his eyes to the floor.

The chair legs scraped against the carpet as Amon stood up to the gather the boxes on the table. Kaneki watched silently, taking in how the investigator moved almost casually. No quinque. Quite frankly, no visible weapon. He didn’t appear to have a phone, or any sort of device on him that could be used to call for help. Kaneki’s eyes drifted up to the security cameras. He supposed some other investigator, perhaps the woman from earlier, was watching them. The cameras blinked again, as if to confirm his suspicions. Or maybe they were laughing at him? Kaneki squinted at the red light, scepitcal. 

Ridiculous. 

Cameras didn’t laugh. That was crazy. Kaneki rubbed his eyes. He needed to organize his thoughts, so when this investigator actually started the interrogation, he would be able to form complete and coherent responses. 

Kaneki straightened his back and set the books on the ground beside him. He steadied them against the wall, before standing up lithely. The investigator’s head turned, and he followed Kaneki’s movements carefully, as the ghoul stepped over the mess of papers Hide had made. 

Giving the investigator as wide a berth as possible, Kaneki slowly made his way over to the box Hide had left, trying to appear timid and nonthreatening. He sank to the floor in front of the box, and held the cardboard flaps open to peer inside. He let out a dry chuckle before he could stop himself. He could feel Amon’s eyes on him. Without offering an explanation for his exuberance, Kaneki reached into the box, pulling out the drawing that Hide had made at Anteiku seemingly years ago. 

The worn paper displayed a smiling-cartoon style Kaneki, waving to the viewer. Hide had attached a sticky note at the bottom of the paper reading: ‘Ha! My guess was waaaaaay closer than yours.’

Kaneki shook his head again, and let out something close to a giggle, before freezing over again, remembering the investigator. Curse this confined room. 

“What are you looking at?”

Kaneki flinched, before making eye contact with the other. “Hide… Brought it… For me.”

“What is it?” Amon leaned across the table, his gaze curious. “A drawing?” 

Kaneki nodded his head hesitantly. “Yes sir.”

The investigator glanced at Kaneki, before turning his eyes to the drawing. He looked intrigued, and his eyes shone with a light that Kaneki had only seen in children's. Kaneki’s hands loosened around the paper, and he was suddenly caught between conflicting emotions- confusion and interest. 

This investigator, the very same man who Kaneki had fought with, attacked, and actually bitten when they first met, was interacting with him courtesy of his own free will. Unless, perhaps, he had been put up to this by the two men he had mentioned earlier… What had their names been? Arima and Marude? Kaneki, in defeat, surrendered the drawing to the investigator. 

As Amon studied the drawing with a bewildered expression, Kaneki busied himself with the contents inside the box. He counted six CDs, three of his own and three of Hide’s, two additional books, and a bag of coffee beans. Kaneki sighed. Did Hide honestly think that Kaneki would be allowed to keep these belongings? Kaneki glanced up at the investigator sitting innocently at the table. Shutting the box, Kaneki cleared his throat.   
Amon turned his attention away from the files Hide had brought, setting them down neatly on the table.

“May I… May I ask a question, investigator?” Kaneki asked slowly. He had to tread carefully, more so then before; anything and everything he said would be used against him, of this he was sure. Without looking at the security cameras, Kaneki knew that they were being watched. If this seemingly mellow investigator didn’t report bits and pieces of their conversation, he was sure that whoever was tasked with watching them would do it instead. 

Amon nodded his head, his hands clasped in front of him. “Of course.” He seemed almost please, increasing Kaneki's suspicions. 

Kaneki hesitated. The most obvious question was ‘why the hell am I still alive?' 

However, Kaneki knew that this man, along with anyone watching, would expect him to ask that. Despite that situation, it seemed like a basic question to ask, as well as a challenge to the authority and decisions of the CCG. Kaneki didn't particularly want to piss off his captors, and instead tried to clear his head, grasping for other inquiries. 

Amon’s gaze never left him, and it worried Kaneki. What was the point of this? Why was this investigator being so damn nice? Was it a trap? It had to be. Kaneki could feel his breathing quicken, and squeezed his eyes shut. Now was not the time to panic. He had gotten himself into this mess, and he would have to live with the consequences. 

The question was… The question was, why didn't he remember how he had gotten here? If he was going to live with the consequences, he at least wanted to be able to analyze the mistakes he had made. 

Kaneki’s eyes blinked open, trying to recall the hazy events from last night. 

Blood.

There was a lot of blood, that was for sure. Three, maybe five people? Aogiri? He rubbed his eyes, struggling to remember. 

“How did I get here?” Kaneki choked out. 

Amon’s eyebrows scrunched in confusion (and perhaps concern?). “How did you get here?” He repeated slowly. 

Kaneki nodded miserably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hide is actually the sun, the sun flower, the sun son, etc. //dashes away//  
> Oh and flip to the first few pages of the first Tokyo Ghoul book if you're confused about the drawing from Hide... The two were talking about what ghouls probably looked like, and Hide drew Kaneki as a joke. <3


	8. A Siren Rang Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is sarcastic, Marude is offended, Amon is worried, and Kaneki is having a panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
> Thank you for the lovely comments!!!! <3 <3 <3

Arima didn’t really know what to make of Hideyoshi Nagachika. The young investigator seemed irrational and basic to any older and more experienced CCG employee who didn’t take the time to actually watch him. Arima knew that the loud and obnoxious façade was just an act, and that Nagachika was actually observant and shockingly smart. 

Really, really smart.

It was a little bit unsettling. 

And so, when the young boy plopped down in the seat in front of the desk, Arima watched him carefully. His body language was careless and nonchalant. The boy’s face was schooled into an innocent and confused expression. Arima squinted, trying to read him.

Ah, there it was. Nagachika’s eyes. They were a little too focused, drilling holes into both Arima and Marude as he studied them. 

Arima’s lips quirked up. The young investigator was trying to read them, too. Interesting. 

“So,” Nagachika started, shifting in the chair. “What’s up?” 

Marude glowered. “We’ll be asking the questions here, Nagachika.”

Nagachika’s fingers tapped against the desk. “Sure thing.”

Arima glanced down at the papers on the desk. He picked one up and held it out to the younger boy. Nagachika accepted it, studying the picture. He glanced up at them. “And?”  
Arima adjusted his glasses. “Those are the statistics and ratings of the Eyepatch ghoul.”

Nagachika’s eyes traveled down to the paper again. “Okay…” He scrutinized the numbers scrawled beneath the picture of Kaneki. “What do you want me to say?”

Marude let out a sigh. He leaned forward, if he was trying to look intimidating, it wasn’t working. His suit was buttoned haphazardly and only one side of his hair was combed. His whole outfit screamed: I woke up fifteen minutes ago. 

Marude jabbed his finger against the paper. Hide’s eyes followed his finger, and he bit the inside of his cheek. Marude cleared his throat and yawned once, before speaking. “Listen. None of us want to be here. It’s Friday. It’s early in the morning. We’ve all been up too late-” 

Hide raised his eyebrows and grinned. “I don’t recall you being on duty last night? Why were you up late? What were you doing? Were you with anyone? Perhaps your lov-”

Marude slammed his fist onto the table. “What did I say about you insistent god damn questions?” He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples. “Anyway, just answer our questions and we’ll let you off easy. Understand?” 

Hide tilted his head, considering. “It depends on what you ask,” he responded after a moment. 

Marude glanced over at Arima, his eye twitching dangerously. “Arima…” He said very quietly. 

Arima gestured his head to the door. “I’ll take care of this, Marude. Go get some rest.” 

Marude stuttered ad Hide gave him a grin. “Bye,” the younger boy called as Marude exited the room.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the door slammed shut, Hide righted himself in his chair, offering a leering smirk at Arima. “Are you going to leave, too?” He asked, almost hopefully. “Because I have to get back upstairs, my friend’s there and…” The young investigator broke off, scratching his neck. 

“About that,” Arima cut Nagachika off carefully. Arima studied the boy as discreetly as possible. Really, he was quite odd. 

Arima cleared his throat and continued. “I do have a few questions for you. About the ghoul.” 

Hide shifted again in his seat, and Arima could tell he was getting nervous. The younger had been trying to drive off any actual progress earlier in their “meeting,” but now that he was trapped in this close confinement with possibly the most powerful man at the CCG, he was noticeably anxious. 

Nagachika tried to grin, but it faltered. He settled for a tight-lipped smile that looked more like a grimace than anything else.

Arima leaned backwards, glancing at the window. The skyline was beautiful this early in the morning, and one could see the commuters lining the streets, on their way to work. Oh, how he envied them, how he envied the average employee. 

With a sudden burst of empathy, he turned back to the young investigator. Pulling out a pen and a notepad, he made eye contact with him. “You do not have to answer any question you choose not to. I only want as much information as you willingly give me, as I do not have the time to, ah, extract anything else.” 

Nagachika looked mildly surprised, but nodded.

Arima bit the inside of his cheeks to keep from smiling. They were finally getting somewhere. Fabulous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marude kicked the door shut behind him, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Damn kid…” He huffed under his breath, shaking his head.

He started off down the hallway, and could hear the faint murmurs of Nagachika and Arima in the spare office. 

Marude let out another annoyed sigh and yawned loudly. He didn’t have anything else to do, and he had already been dragged out of his bed at an ungodly hour, he had already driven across the city, he was already here…

So he might as well go check out that ghoul everyone was talking about. 

Not that he was curious. Not that he wanted to. It was just his duty. His duty to make sure Amon was safe, that newbie. 

Maybe he was a little bit curious. He had always thought of Amon as very emotional and irrational, but this was a new level. Bringing a ghoul to the CCG? Preposterous. 

He clicked the elevators ‘up’ button several times and tapped his foot on the tiled floor. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaneki sat cross-legged on the floor, his attention fixed on the investigator. 

Honestly, Kaneki had stopped listening after Amon had recalled Kaneki attacking said investigator and a woman called Akira, only to be interrupted by Hide. 

And how he had injured Hide. Amon had referred to it as ‘necessary,’ but that didn’t seem right to the white haired ghoul. Kaneki thought that the word the investigator was looking for was more like ‘monstrous’ or ‘grotesque.’ 

Kaneki pondered this as he watched the other’s mouth opening and closing as they spoke. The man’s hands moved every so often to emphasize a particular point or aspect of his story. Kaneki’s eyes followed these movements, along with every fidget and gesture the investigator made. 

Kaneki couldn’t hear anything. Just a constant ringing in his ears. 

Everything was crashing down on top of him, the realization setting in.

His hopeless situation had seemed so distant and disconnected before. Hide knowing that he was a ghoul… The fact that his sanity was dwindling… And that there was nothing he could do about it. Absolutely nothing. 

And now there was this new problem. The CCG. 

They had seemed like a bad dream before. Something to scare you, but not actually cause you harm. Slowly that nightmare had eroded into something much more real. Beginning with the death of Hinami’s parents, the injuries inflicted on Touka, and his first encounter with Amon Koutorou. 

Every horrible decision he had made was hitting him straight in the head now. All of his problems, and the spiral effects they would have on everyone he cared about. Would they find the link between his old job at Anteiku and the ghouls living there? Would Hide be in trouble for housing a ghoul? Would the CCG employ the ghoul-making techniques from Kanou on other humans?

All of the worst case scenarios were no longer hypothetical. They could very well actually happen. 

Kaneki’s breathing quickened, catching in his throat. This wasn’t good, it wasn’t good. Everyone was going to die, and it would be all his fault. 

Why did this investigator look so worried for him?

Kaneki only realized he was asking the question aloud when he could feel tears dripping down his cheeks. Oh, he was so overwhelmed. It was like studying for finals at school, but thousands of times worse. 

Kaneki was done with the tough façade he had tried to maintain for what seemed like years (Had it been years? Months? He didn’t know). He wasn’t strong. 

“Why? Why? Why?” He sobbed. “Why does it have to be like this? Why do I have to be so weak?”

And with the sincere look of confused sympathy etched onto Amon’s face, Kaneki knew that even on the off chance this man tried to hurt him, he wouldn’t try to defend himself. He would just roll over and die. 

He was completely helpless, and every single armed and specially trained police-officer-on-steroids in Tokyo knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 will be out next weekend!  
> Have a lovely day/evening/night!!!


	9. The Worst Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amon has trouble communicating with Kaneki  
> Coffee is enjoyed by both parties :-)

Amon liked to think that he could be compassionate and understanding, maybe even approachable. He had close friendships with the people he worked with, like Shinohara, Seidou, Marude, and maybe even Akira. 

At heart, Amon knew that he was a big softy. It was difficult for him to refuse his friends when they asked him for favors. He was weak for kitten calendars. Hell, he owned three.   
And so, as he watched the young ghoul break down in front of him, the young boy who couldn’t have been more than 18 or 19, something inside Amon broke. He reached his hand out, to comfort the kid, and stopped. 

What to do? What to do?

The ghoul’s hands shook as he reached up to wipe his eyes, his shoulders shuddering. Kaneki leaned back, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to take in deep breathes. They came out in pained gasps.

Amon’s mind raced for anything to say, anything to ask, to take the boy’s mind off the gravity of the situation. 

“Um, why don’t you tell me about yourself? What are your parents like? When did you meet Nagachika...?” Amon’s voice trailed off as the ghoul made eye contact with him, a confused expression plastered onto his tear stained face. 

“About me..?” Kaneki asked hesitantly. 

Amon let out a relieved sigh. “Yes. Let’s just talk. I promise that no harm will come to you in this room.” The investigator glanced around at the confined space. The ghoul’s gaze followed Amon, and his fingers twitched sporadically. He looked as though he was trying to understand, his eyebrows furrowed and his teeth chewing thoughtfully on his lower lip. 

Kaneki ducked his head, his bangs falling in front of his eyes. His breathing evened, although every few moments his breath hitched. After several minutes, the boy brought his hands back up to his temples and shook his head. 

“I can’t.” He whispered hoarsely. 

Amon deflated, exhaling quietly. Kaneki’s eyes trailed away from the investigator, and he studied a section of the worn, pale carpet with newfound interest. The ghoul slowly, and seemingly subconsciously cracked his knuckles and fidgeted in his seat, lost in thought. He didn’t offer any reaction when Amon hoisted himself out of the uncomfortable wooden chair he had been sitting in, and walked over to the kitchenette. 

“Do you want coffee?” Amon offered as he sorted through the few cups and pots the cabinets had to offer. 

Amon glanced over his shoulder, eyeing Kaneki, who was as unresponsive as ever. Amon heaved another sigh as the ghoul’s glazed over eyes continued to drill into the carpet. 

What to do? What to do?

The investigator made his way back over to the smaller cardboard box and pulled out the coffee Hide had packed. The coffee was extremely expensive, and from the looks of it had come from a high end store. “Can I use these?” Amon asked, again trying to converse with the other. 

The ghoul merely chewed on his fingernail. 

Amon rubbed his eyes, making his way back over to the stove. And he thought it was hard to talk with Akira.

“Truth be told, I’ve never actually made coffee before.” Amon announced as he pulled the wrapping off the bag. Upon receiving no response, which was commonplace at this point, Amon continued. 

“I lived in an orphanage for most of my childhood, and I always remember that the older kids drank coffee with milk and sugar. Sometimes even chocolate.” Amon frowned at the coffee grounds thoughtfully. 

“Donato always took his black. No one could understand it, the thought of drinking something so bitter.” The investigator shook his head and poured out some of the beans. “I have no idea how to do this… Maybe if I just boil some water and dump it onto the grounds..?” 

Kaneki gagged. Or maybe he was laughing? Regardless, it meant the ghoul was listening, and that was all Amon could hope for. 

The older continued: “Or, maybe I could just squash them with a spoon and mix them with warm water? Would that work?” Amon set out a pot on the small stovetop, filled with water. The investigator leaned forward to set the temperature to ‘high,’ before turning around and leaning beside the stove. Kaneki was looking at him now, lured from his stupor by the threat of extremely bad coffee. Amon almost laughed- the expression the ghoul was giving him was one of absolute shock and horror. 

Kaneki tilted his head to the side, squeezing his eyes shut. It looked as though he was having a silent battle with himself. 

After an agonizingly silent minute, the ghoul slowly stood up, and pushed his chair in. Shaking his head, as if he couldn’t believe what he was about to do, he made his way over to the kitchenette, and halted several steps away from Amon. 

Kaneki opened up one of the cabinets and scoured through it, pulling out two mugs and a glass percolator, which he seemed shocked to find. Amon watched as the ghoul rinsed out the percolator, his actions becoming more fluid and comfortable, not as stiff with worry as before.

After he had filled the percolator with water, he shot Amon an incredulous look, as if to say, ‘can you really not figure this out?’ Gingerly, Kaneki poured the grounds into a small basket-looking devise connected to the percolator, before placing the top back on with finality.

“It’s too bad we don’t have coffee beans,” Kaneki murmured under his breath as he removed Amon’s pot from the burner, replacing it with the percolator. “There,” he whispered.  
Amon watched as the coffee brewed, watched Kaneki’s graceful motions as he poured the coffee what felt like seconds later. When he took a sip, he almost forgot there was no cream or sugar in the drink. The flavor was sweet and bitter all at the same time. Something complex, and it was shocking to think that coffee grounds could produce such a taste.   
Kaneki watched the investigator over his own cup, which he hadn’t tried yet. As Amon set down his empty glass, Kaneki’s mouth twitched up at the sides, only for a second, before he took a sip of his own. 

Amon could see the color return to Kaneki’s face as the ghoul continued to drink the rest of his black coffee. Hesitantly, the investigator tested the waters.

“What do you remember from last night, if anything at all?” Amon asked carefully. 

The ghoul stiffened, his fingers clenching around the glass handle of his coffee mug, before seemingly caving in. Kaneki reached up and pushed his longs bangs out of his eyes again as he let out a defeated sigh.

“You aren’t going to let this go, are you?” He asked softly. The ghoul’s tone radiated surrender as he slowly set down his cup. 

Amon watched as Kaneki moved back to the small wooden table in the center of the apartment. As he pulled out his own chair, he looked up at Amon with expectant eyes. 

“Are you?” He asked again, his voice monotone.

Amon’s hands fluttered once as he tried to pull himself together, not sure how to proceed. Kaneki was giving him a chance, hell, the ghoul was actually speaking to him coherently. Amon opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. Empathy, he thought, empathy was key here. 

Amon had witnessed interrogations before. They were loud and messy, sometimes ending with physical violence, others with sharp words dripping with accusation. Amon knew that an interrogation followed the capture of a criminal, and that the whole purpose was to coerce a confession to the crime. He knew about the good cop/ bad cop routine, and had been witness to chairs flying across the room, colliding with glass viewing windows, succeeded by cursing that was so intense it blurred together. 

The word ‘interrogation’ didn’t really fit this situation. 

This was two people sitting down and laying out the facts.

Two people trying to understand one another despite the immeasurable differences in lifestyle and preconceptions.

Amon crossed the room and sat back down on the second wooden chair, filled with a new type of energy. He wanted to make sense of the person in front of him, whose eyes were clouded with distrust and speculation. 

Amon cleared his throat and crossed his hands on the table. He tried to pull his lips up into an encouraging smile, but that seemed to confuse the ghoul even more. Amon quickly schooled his features into a more neutral expression. 

“Whatever you’d like to share,” Amon nodded.

The ghoul’s fingers clenched onto the wooden table, and then released, the blood flowing back into his white knuckles.

“My only purpose was to kill Kanou.” Kaneki began with a shaky breath.

Amon frowned. He had heard of Kanou, the doctor who had disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Some people claimed he had left for Germany, although there was a steady flow of reports rumoring him to be living in the down world of Tokyo. 

“…I had… been working with Aogiri in order to gain intelligence about where he was. Aogiri didn’t know this, at the time.” The ghoul broke off and gnawed on his lip, his eyes darting across the room like a caged animal, trying to avoid Amon’s gaze. 

“Last night, maybe around 22 o’ clock, there was a meeting. It started out simple enough. Like most of the other gatherings of stronger ghouls- who should lead what group to what ward, that sort of strategy building.” Kaneki’s hands noticeably tightened on the table, as if he was struggling to remain calm. 

“And then-” Kaneki choked out.

“Kanou walked in. I don’t know why he was there. I don’t know how he managed to cooperate with Aogiri. But he was there. All I could hear was white noise. He was talking about his latest ‘scientific endeavors,’ or human experiments,” the ghoul spat out with such ferocity that it was almost terrifying. 

“All I could think was- I’m going to kill him. I know looking back on it that it was such a horrible, horrible thing to do. I didn’t think it through, I wasn’t expecting him to just saunter in. But, after everything he’s done-” The ghoul let out a strangled sob.

“I didn’t- no- I couldn’t let him leave. I couldn’t do it.” Kaneki shook his head, and then hunched over, so ashamed of himself that he couldn’t even look at the investigator.   
Kaneki knew that he had completely and totally crushed any hope of this investigator not dragging him to Cochlea. Admitting to wanting to kill a human, it was as stereotypical as a ghoul could get- craving blood and guts smeared across walls, living to murder. 

“Did you kill him?” He heard the investigator inquire in a hushed tone. 

Kaneki paused, not sure if the other would believe him. “I... Everything is a blur after that… I remember using my kagune, I remember hitting something, but I don’t know if anyone died.” Kaneki scrunched up his face, trying to remember. 

He should’ve made more coffee for this investigator. 

“Honestly. I know that you don’t have any reason to believe me, but I really don’t remember.” Kaneki lifted his pleading eyes toward Amon, praying that the other would trust him. He could handle being forced into the ‘murderer’ category, or ‘human-eating-being,’ but he wasn’t a liar. 

There was something about this investigator that gave him the slightest bit of hope. 

At the moment, it seemed that his gut instinct was the only thing he had to go by. 

So much for cold, calculated decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASDFGHJKL This chapter nearly got deleted on my computer Omgggg  
> Sorry for the late update, I've been super busy  
> Hope you enjoyed!


	10. Darkness Falls on Another Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote half of this in Febuary and the other half in May.  
> Kaneki has nightmares. Hide tries and succeeds in helping.   
> Two men talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am sO SORRY HSLFFKALDJ   
> I lowkey feel like I see this excuse everywhere for fanfics that are updated like once every 17 months but SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL it sucks the motivation outta you y'know i'm sorry,,, but guess what?? IT's AlMOsT SummER My DUDES <3

Kaneki shifted the blankets around his face, crossing his legs neatly beneath him. He was seated in the center of the stiff twin sized bed, facing the only window in his ‘apartment.’ Based on the brilliant sunset painting the sky, he gathered that it had been eight or nine hours since the female voice had called the investigator with the overhead speakers situated in the ceiling, drawing Amon out of the room.

The half-ghoul let out a huff as he leaned his face against the cool glass, trying to ignore the commotion behind him. The moment the seemingly passive investigator had shut the damaged metal door, Rize had pushed open the small closet and peered at him quizzically. She had opened her mouth slightly, as if to say something, before shaking her head and tittering, marching toward the wooden table. Yamori had followed a moment later, looking a bit more subdued (and maybe even disappointed). The man had despondently cracked a knuckle and took a seat across from Rize.

The two figments of Kaneki’s imagination had been bickering all day, throwing remarks dripping with sarcasm back and forth in a banter-like manner. Kaneki had sat in the third seat at the table, quietly sipping a second, third, fifth, and eventually tenth cup of coffee, listening to their deranged conversations.

Eventually, Kaneki had pushed his mug aside and slouched onto the table, staring dejectedly at the door with half-lidded eyes.

He wanted to see Hide. After several more minutes it had become quite clear that the only company he was going to get sat in front of him.

 _And who could blame Hide?_ Kaneki thought glumly. After last night… Everything had gone to hell so quickly, leaving Kaneki trying to hold onto the fraying threads of each of his mistakes.

Now, watching the sunset and the streets beyond the glass, Kaneki was positive that whatever was in store for him wouldn’t be pleasant. He was used to it, really; the empty promises of friendship that his peers had offered for a day or two to him at school. The fake sympathy his teachers had given him the first time he had been beaten for refusing to give his homework to other students in homeroom.

Kaneki knew he shouldn’t be fazed. He knew he shouldn’t have taken the soft demeanor of the investigator to heart, no matter how scared he had been.

As he sat on the bed mulling over the conversation he had had with the investigator again, a teasing voice chimed from across the room.

“Are you still pouting over there?”

Kaneki hesitantly glanced over his shoulder. Rize was leaning forward at the table, her head propped up in one of her hands. The other lazily held a bishop between two fingers. Kaneki’s eyes drifted over to the tabletop. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight of a chessboard. His gaze shifted up to Yamori for an explanation, and the other simply shrugged.

Gathering up his blankets, Kaneki stretched his legs to the carpeted ground and meandered toward the wooden table, peering at the setup of the wooden pieces.

Oh. Kaneki had seen this before. Racking his brain through several famous chess matches, he sank into one of the wooden chairs and watched the game progress.

Rize growled in anticipation as she slid her rook forward, pausing behind the cover of a pawn. Kaneki squinted. She played with an elegant and fluid grace, ambushing her opponent with hidden bishops and rooks. However, the other side of the board was quite the mess. The elder’s pieces was scrambled all across the layout, with no rhyme or reason, just a show of strength and power. _And it wasn’t working,_ Kaneki thought as Rize removed yet another one of her opponent’s pieces from the board, chortling.

Yamori leaned forward to move his queen yet again, when Kaneki held up a silent hand, shifting the queen from the other’s grasp and setting it back down. Kaneki gestured to a largely untouched bishop in the corner of the board.

“Move this piece here,” Kaneki directed quietly. “You won’t win without a strategy.” He glared pointedly at Yamori. “It’s not about blatant strength.”

Yamori let out an annoyed sigh, but directed the bishop to Kaneki’s pointer finger. Kaneki nodded his approval, squinting at the board as Rize docked yet another piece. He let out a contented sigh, sinking further into the thrill of the game. 

The room around them became a dark haze, the walls morphing and curling around the three like some type of projection. It felt as if the table was floating in an obscure pocket in space, with no sense of time or direction.

Kaneki kicked his feet to the tune of an unknown song and Rize tapped her pointed nail on the table with a constant rhythm that seemed to be steadily growing louder and louder, to the point where it echoed against Kaneki’s eardrums with ferocity.

A centipede slithered across the chessboard, its antennae shivering and clicking. Kaneki made an annoyed noise in his throat and shooed it away. The insect dissolved into smoke, drifting into an unseen current or wind.

A pressure pulsed behind Kaneki’s temples. As he leaned forward to swat away Yamori’s hand from the queen piece again, the half-ghoul saw three or four colored shadows follow his every movement. He pressed his hands into his head, trying to ground himself, his legs swinging faster under the table.

Suddenly Rize’s king was the only piece on the board. It toppled over with thundering finality, and a crimson liquid seeped from the crown. Rize let out an agitated huff and leaned backwards, crossing her arms.

“Kaneki, that wasn’t fair. Chess isn’t a three player game.”

Kaneki shrugged his shoulders in a detached manner, looking out the window. The sky was a brilliant deep blue, and shining white stars shown mutely behind black cumulus clouds. He reached his hand out to the window, and the pressure in his head increased as if he was being dragged to the bottom of a rough sea.

A crackling noise alerted the three players to the window. Abruptly, the curtains surrounding the glass flew upwards as the glass cracked off into the darkness, and a tunnel of wind howled through the apartment, metal twisting and flying from outside. Kaneki winced against the shocking force, and the chessboard was knocked off the table, slamming into the back wall with a crash.

A pounding noise sounded against the front door, causing Kaneki to jump to his feet. The wind roared around him, and he was struck with a dizzying feeling of unease. The wooden table slowly sank into the floor as the apartment grew dark. The churning wind pulled itself back through the window and the glass mended itself back together at a rapid pace.

Kaneki found himself alone in the empty black apartment. He nervously knelt to the floor, pulling the thin blankets around his form. The pounding grew louder.

And then someone was shaking him.

Kaneki cracked open his eyes to find Hide standing in front of him, the apartment aglow with the warm blaze of several lamps. His best friend wore a worried expression, his eyes flickering around the enclosed space.  

Beyond the window, the neon lights of Tokyo shown, and Kaneki could hear the ever flowing noise of traffic carrying up from the streets below.

He was comforted by the familiarity.

“Who were you talking with?” Hide asked after a moment.

Kaneki glanced around, still half asleep. “Nobody important…” He responded with a wide yawn.

Hide bit his lip worriedly and nodded. “Right… Uh,” he scratched his head and smiled. “Maybe you should sleep in the bed? You could get a neck cramp if you don’t…”

Kaneki squinted tiredly up at Hide. He just couldn’t get over it, ‘it’ being how nice Hide was to him. Had Kaneki himself ever done anything to warrant this kindness? Did he deserve this apparently undying friendship and infinite trust Hide had shown him? Even after… His gaze dropped to Hide’s shoulder.

Kaneki wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Hide had been bitten, and he _knew_ that he had been behind it. So why was it that Hide was smiling at him? Why was it? Why? Kaneki rubbed his forehead, feeling tears pooling up on the rim of his eyelids. 

“Hey,” Hide’s voice whispered. He nudged Kaneki’s shoulder playfully. “You okay?”

Kaneki blinked quickly and ducked his head. “Y-yeah. I’m fine. Now.”

Hide shot him a blinding smile. “Glad to hear it!” He poked Kaneki’s forehead and yanked on the other’s blanket. “Now get in bed! You’re gonna have a busy day tomorrow, and I simply will not stand for you sleeping in an old wooden chair.” Hide wrinkled his nose. "Throw in five cats and you'd look like a retired old man."

Kaneki made a surprised noise as Hide grabbed the blanket from him and tossed it across the room and onto the bed. Grumbling, Kaneki got to his feet, not without shooting Hide a reproachful look. Hide smirked.

Making his way across the thinly carpeted room, Kaneki glanced back at Hide again, who stood still and watchful next to the wooden table. He looked nervous, which was unusual for the human. It unsettled Kaneki deeply.

Kaneki sank back onto the stiff twin sized bed and Hide moved towards the front door, his hand brushing the light switch. “G’night, Ken,” he called lightly.

“Good night,” Kaneki murmured. The simple phrase was comforting, but an uneasiness still hung over the half-ghoul. Falling asleep might mean more nightmares, more darkness, more _fear._

And then it hit him.

As Hide shut the door, Kaneki shot up with a cry of alarm.

“Hide! What do you mean, ‘a busy day tomorrow?’”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So… A choice?” The man asked. His voice was skeptical, and his expression a mixture of doubt and confusion. “Why does it get a choice?”

“Yes, a choice. And why wouldn’t it?” The second man cast a look of incredulousness toward the first. “While most of us would choose the first option, this, ah, _subject_ , is unpredictable. It’s a constant source of amusement for us, and annoyance for you.”

A short laugh from the first man.

“Do you have any predictions?” He asked quietly, after a pause.

The second man shook his head. “Each choice has positives and negatives. It’s a rare fifty-fifty chance. The four new subjects are ready if and only if the first choice is chosen.” He rubbed his hands excitedly before continuing.

“Regardless, we’ll be able to have a little fun with this. A subject is a subject after all. And, if all else fails, there is the lab.”

“…Yes, I suppose there is.”

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'll upload soon but I also kinda want to post some comics too?? I mean I'm ok at drawing but it might be fun?? So yeah posts will defenitely be erratic according to whatever I have the motivation to work on.   
> Love ya and happy morning/day/evening.


	11. White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bridge chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a single excuse as to why this is so late.

Kaneki awoke to a bright light and booming over the loud speaker.

He stifled a groan and grabbed his pillow, pulling it over his head with a yawn. The booming continued, so loud that his ears began to ring.

“Gah! Sorry about that!” A voice called over the speakers and the insistent noise ceased. Kaneki sat up in dazed confusion, sleep-provoked disorientation still clinging to his mind. He furrowed his eyebrows and yawned again, stretching in the small bed.

The white haired boy glanced around the room blearily, nodding to himself as he surveyed the small apartment around him.

The kitchenette.

The bookshelf with two manuals.

The wooden table with three chairs.

The doors and window.

He tilted his head back to the loud speaker as the voice spoke again. “I accidently hit one of the gazillion little buttons on this goddamn control panel, and I guess one of the speaker options is ‘death by drums,’ so you’ll have to forgive me, Kaneki.”

Kaneki wrinkled his nose. “Hide?” He called out, his question trailing off into a yawn.

“Mhm! I was trying to play classical music, but Akira is over here being a little bi-”

“ _Hey_! You ungrateful little jackass!” The woman named Akira’s voice cracked over the speakers.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Hide sang. “I accidently hit the wrong button, so sorry. But now that you’re up, you’ll find a change of clothing in the closet. Pull that on, will ya?”

Kaneki rubbed at his eyes, too tired to argue. “Mmkay,” he mumbled as he rose from the mess of blankets. His feet shuffled over the carpeted floor as he made his way to the closet. He drifted past the table, well aware of Rize and Yamori seated in the wooden chairs, smirks lining their faces.

“Hey, Kaneki,” Rize cooed as the white haired boy pulled open the closet door. “Sleep well? Any theories on today?”

Kaneki considered this as he eyed the clothing in the closet. It certainly hadn’t been there before, that was for sure. Had he really been so sound asleep that he hadn’t noticed somebody entering the apartment to fill the small space? What else had he missed, if an unknown person had really been in here while he was asleep?

He shook these disturbing thoughts from his mind, pressing his left hand to his forehead. “No,” he responded in a flat voice as he collected himself. “I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

Rize hummed behind him as Kaneki pulled the white shirt and pants from the hanger. He scowled in distaste. White was not really all that fitting- it suggested purity, kindness, truthfulness…

It also meant a clean slate. A fresh start.

He tilted his head in consideration at the fabric in his hands. It was soft, and slid through his fingers like some type of expensive cotton. He wondered why they had chosen white- just because it was the CCG’s trademark, or perhaps some other reason.

He wondered what he would be doing that required a fresh change of clothing.

“Well?” Akira’s voice huffed. “Not fancy enough for you? Put them on now, I don’t have all day.”

“Oh, shut up Akira,” Hide’s voice snapped.

Kaneki meekly glanced up at one of the flickering cameras. He bowed his head. “T-thank you for the clothing!” He stammered, before moving to the bathroom to change, ignoring Rize’s grin and Yamori’s watchful eyes.

Several minutes later, Kaneki sat perched on the end of one of the wooden chairs with a cup of fresh coffee clasped between his hands. The clothing was as comfortable as he had thought it would be- stretchy and soft- and he felt strangely at ease.

Rize and Yamori had vanished after Kaneki had finished changing, which was a welcome change of pace. Upon actually _entering_ the washroom, the half ghoul had remembered with a sickening jolt that a camera was fastened just above the mirror, its red light blinking like a parasite or insidious entity of some type. He had shivered with distaste, before climbing onto the bathroom counter and hanging a towel over the lens. The overhead speakers had remained silent during this, and Kaneki had assumed that they either didn’t care, or couldn’t find a reason to tell him to remove the covering.

The sound of the lock clacking and the metal door opening drew Kaneki back from his thoughts. He took a sip from his cup and watched as quite a few people filed into the room. Two, he recognized- Amon and Hide. Amon adjusted his tie and glanced around the room nervously, and Hide offered a tiny wave. Kaneki set his coffee down on the table and stood stiffly, trying to place the rest of the investigators.

A blonde woman wearing a pencil skirt and white blouse stood with her arms crossed and her eyebrows furrowed. She had deep bags beneath her eyes, and yawned profusely. He assumed she was Akira, the lady from the loudspeakers. Beside her, three more men eyed Kaneki with expressions ranging from interest to distaste- a black haired man with a receding hairline, a white haired man in a pinstripe suit, and a brown haired man sporting a glare.

 “So,” the brown haired man began in a bored voice. “It’s the ghoul.”

The white haired man’s cheek twitched. “Yes Marude. It is indeed _the ghoul._ ”

Kaneki shifted uncomfortably, silently adding the new name to his memory. _Marude._

“Should we just tell it..?” Marude asked, scratching at his hair.

“Him,” Hide corrected, his voice a touch annoyed. “Not it- _him_.”

Kaneki pursed his lips as Marude turned around to face Hide, his face red. “ _Listen here, temp_ \- you and _Amon_ are the only reason we’re in this goddamn _mess_ , so if you give me attitude _one more time_ , I swear to god I’ll-”

The white haired man held up a hand, and Marude descended into a silent rage.

Hide smirked.

“Hello,” The white haired man began, his voice pleasant enough to take Kaneki by surprise. “My name is Arima Kishou, and I am an investigator here at the CCG.”

Kaneki raised his eyebrows. The way the man stated his name and occupation made him sound like he was a teacher, or a manager, or- or something mundane.

Arima went on, his hands clasped behind his back, and his eyes distant, as if he was repeating some long list he had memorized. “We know quite a bit about you, _Kaneki Ken_ , and to be perfectly frank, you’re much too valuable for us to kill or let lose. So we have a bit of a compromise.”

The white haired man tilted his head back to Marude, who was lividly shaking while Hide waggled his eyebrows at him.

Kaneki watched this exchange, and his lips quirked upwards faintly with amusement. Of course Hide’s boss hated him- it was only as natural as a cat hating water, or a maple tree losing its leaves in October. Kaneki pulled his attention back to the seemingly higher ranked Arima, and listened intently (with a touch of fear) as he continued.

“This being said, the compromise in no way guarantees your eventual freedom or release. It only guarantees your usefulness to the CCG for as long as possible.” Arima held up two fingers: “First option: you will train four CCG 3rd class investigators, of whose situation is, ah, similar to yours. Second: you will participate in a series of experiments in the CCG’s science and technology department to help produce new weapons and conclusive data.”

Arima’s smile took on a satirical quality. “Neither is ideal, but both at least require you to be alive and breathing.”

Kaneki shivered at that. He wrapped his arms around himself and considered. The first option, while obviously the better (He wasn’t entirely sure why he was even being offered a choice) still left him with a considerable amount of potential grief on his hands- say one of the investigators he trained killed one of his friends? Then whose fault would it be? **His.**

The second option would obviously require his help with the creation of ghoul-killing devices. They would eventually find out, if they didn’t already know, that he was a half ghoul, and perhaps even want to make more of him. This was unacceptable. Kaneki’s mind traveled back to the first request: _you will train four CCG 3 rd class investigators, of whose situation is, ah, similar to yours. _Similar to… Did that mean that the CCG knew and had succeeded in making more half ghouls? Or did it mean something else..? Captured youths, forced to work for the CCG, perhaps?

He squinted at the line of investigators, plus Hide. His gaze drifted over each person, but as his eyes fell on Hide, he startled ever so slightly. Hide looked nervous. Scared, even.

 _Why?_ Kaneki thought with confusion. _It isn’t his fault- it isn’t his decision- it isn’t even his punishment! Why is he so goddamn worried?_

“Well?” Arima’s voice broke the silence.

Kaneki’s eyes snapped back to the white haired investigator. Arima’s face was so passive that Kaneki was sure the man couldn’t possibly care one way or the other.

Kaneki straightened his back and sucked in a deep breath.

“One. I choose option one.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ninety One released a new song and I'm L I V I N G

**Author's Note:**

> :-) Hey Reader


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